From the heart....

As I sit here in Luke's room watching him sleep, I have so many thoughts running through my head. I know I promised a part 2 of the beach post, but that can wait. Maybe it's exhaustion, maybe it was the great morning that Luke and I had, maybe it's the dread of going back to work in a month....whatever it is, all of a sudden while rocking Luke for his nap, watching his sweet little face sound asleep, I was overcome with tears - tears of joy and of pure, genuine love that fills your heart so much that sometimes you feel like you could explode. I know that all of you mommies out there know exactly what I mean....it's impossible to put a mother's love into words and the only emotion that I believe is close enough to it is comparing it to the love that Jesus has for each one of us and that's a love beyond our understanding....the greatest love of all!

Since we returned from the beach, Luke and I have had some rough days and nights. Luke is testing his boundaries like crazy - he is doing things he knows he is not suppose to do, he is becoming more and more active everyday so some of the calm things that we used to do (reading books, working puzzles) are of no interest to him, and lately, sleeping has become difficult. The last three nights I have had to fight him to get him to sleep and then he has woke up anywhere between 3:00 and 5:00am refusing to go back to sleep without me holding him. It's been awful and we have both been exhausted. When he's exhausted, he doesn't listen well and he whines a lot. When I'm exhausted, I have no patience. Yesterday, I had to take a nap while he did so I could try to keep myself under control. This morning, Luke woke up at 4:45am and would not go back to sleep. At 6:00, I finally quit fighting with him and made a cup of coffee and started playing. I thought for sure that this would be another horrible morning, but, I was wrong, so wrong.

Just when I think I can't take enough, Luke surprises my by being the sweetest boy. This morning, he let me read him several books while he sat in my lap. He sat with me in the big black chair and worked a few puzzles. He threw his ball back and forth with me. We watched Clifford while we ate our toast. While I took my shower, he played in his pack and play with his nesting blocks and rings. Then, we went to the library for story time. During the part where the teacher sings songs with us, Luke stood up and watched everyone and attempted to do some of the motions....the cutest part was that he clapped and said "yay" after every song. He did go through a rough patch- he and another little girl named Gracie chased each other around the bookshelves for about 5 minutes during the story reading. But, then, he settled back down to make his craft. He actually did a few scribbles on his picture and he glued his grass on the paper bag. Sitting there watching his sweet little hands work and seeing his big grin that he flashes to everyone makes my day - even through the exhaustion - that smile somehow makes me find the energy to keep going.

After story time, we went by Fair Grove to pick up something. He was so good. He smiled his huge grin for Betty. After picking up a few books, I asked him to put them back and he put them back so gently just as I asked. Before we left, he waved and told Betty "bye, bye". We came home, laughed and giggled during lunch and while I changed his diaper, and then, I rocked him so peacefully to sleep.....and, now, here I sit watching him breathe in and out....my little blessing!

Landis' cousin, Whitney, had a baby yesterday afternoon. His name is Carson. He is healthy and mommy and baby are doing great. Thinking about Whitney and sweet Carson brought back so many memories for me....I will never forget holding Luke in the hospital room all by myself waiting for Landis to pull the car up so we could go home. I remember thinking....this precious miracle is mine....this is really happening....he is mine.....to love, to hold, to take care of, to teach, and to guide. I didn't look at him and think about the challenges at that time - I didn't know what challenges to think about...I just knew how much I loved him.

As I rocked him this morning, those same thoughts came to my mind....this sweet miracle is mine....mine to love, to hold, to take care of, to teach, to guide, and to overcome challenges with....remembering those thoughts are good for me....during challenging times, I need to remember how blessed I am.....there are moms out there that would love to hear their babies cry one more time (even if it was 4:45am) and there are moms out there that would love to hold their babies but for some reason they can't. So, today, on what seemed to be the start of another challenging day, I have been blessed by a mother's love.....the kind that keeps you going when you think you can't....the kind that makes you stop and enjoy and savor each moment....the kind that just makes you forget about the to do list and instead hold and rock your baby just a few extra minutes while the tears run down your face onto his precious, tiny head as you touch his tiny fingers and look at his tiny feet.

So...today, my blogger friends....no pictures, no video....just genuine, heart felt words from a mother's heart and a poem written by P. Taylor Copeland in the book, "I Liked You at Ten, I Will Like You Again."

Mommy's Pledge

My beloved gift,

This child sent to me,

The lessons I teach you

Will affect who you'll be.

I'll acquaint you and guide you

And show you the way;

You are my sunbeam,

My golden ray.

A miracle of life

So vulnerable and pure,

Left with a parent

For a childhood tour.

It's up to me;

I owe you direction,

To nurture you and love you

And give you protection.

This is my promise,

My responsibility too;

I am so grateful

To be entrusted with you.

I love you baby Luke more than you will ever know. Sleep tight my little man....see you in a few.... Mommy