Today, I ask you to join me as I take you along the sometimes rocky path of a Title I teacher....
As a Title I teacher, my job is directly dependent on funding....if a school doesn't receive the title I funding that is needed, title I positions are cut and there is always a chance that it's me.
I worked at a Title I school in Thomasville (very close to my home) for 3 years as a reading specialist. I loved my job. I loved the staff. I trusted the leadership that I worked for. I was looking forward to Luke walking through those doors as a Kindergartener. Matter of fact, Luke even attended a Kindergarten transition day at that school and had his screening there. Luke and I were prepared for a great start right next to our home....but, then, on the last workday of the school year, my principal came to let me know that my position had been cut, that I would no longer be able to teach in the full time reading specialist position at that school. I was heart broken! I felt lost - and my thoughts immediately went to Luke - where will he go to school? Will we be able to go together like we have always planned? Like any normal person would do when they have lost their job, I cried....and cried, and cried.
Matter of fact, I was disappointed in myself later that I cried so much! :) I had the Word of God in me and I had Jesus' Spirit residing with me, so I asked myself, why are you panicking? Why are you so upset? Even my husband reminded me that I needed to get a hold of my "emotions" (which is flesh) and walk in the Spirit so I could focus on what God had planned for the next phase of my life.
So...I began thinking...yes, Landis was right. God NEVER closes one door without having another door prepared for us. Yeah - I know, I know - people say that all the time but how much do we really believe that? I had to ask myself that - Natasha, do you really believe that God has another door open for you already? And, I could confidently say, YES - I knew He did. So...I talked to Jesus - I asked Him to overwhelm me with peace, I asked Him to lead me through the open doors, and I asked Him to help me trust Him.
Throughout the summer, I applied for jobs everywhere - mostly outside the county because early in the summer, the only jobs in the county were too far from home. In my heart, I didn't want to leave Davidson County schools. I've worked in this county for 14 years and love and trust the wonderful people who are apart of it. And...thank goodness...just like the good Father He is, He knew I loved Davidson County, God knew that I didn't want to leave...so, He opened a door....
In mid July, I was offered a job as a reading specialist at a school only 15 minutes from home, working for a principal that I had worked with before (who I trusted and knew would be good to me). But...here's the crazy part....I had also applied for a lead teacher position at this same school and I didn't want to back out of this interview. I went on to interview and was offered the lead teacher position at this same school. So...God didn't open one door but He opened two doors and I was able to make a choice. What a blessing! Such a blessing!
After accepting my new position (back in school leadership, which I had taken myself out of years before), I worked hard to get prepared. I saw my new room, I met some staff, and even attended several summer meetings with the administrative team at the new school. During this transitional time, I still felt a little lost, I still missed my family from my old school, I still worried about whether Luke would feel comfortable at this school or not...I just wasn't settled on the inside yet.
I continued to ask God to show me His purpose...to show me why I had to move AGAIN (this was going to be my 6th school in Davidson County - and that's a whole other blog!). And...to be honest, I didn't hear any answers from God. I just knew in my Spirit that I had to trust Him. That's what His Word says....Jesus reminds us in Matthew 11:29-30, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS."
I knew Jesus wanted me to lean on Him for rest but I will be honest...I didn't do that right away. Matter of fact, throughout the end of the summer and in to the first workdays, I still struggled with this change. I remember going home after the first required workday and crying - from pure exhaustion. It's difficult to sit in a big room with 50 new faces knowing that your friends are hugging and greeting each other at the other school. It feels like you are at someone's else's family reunion....it's tough.
But...I'm a fighter and Jesus is IN me and I knew He had work to do. So...as you may have read in my other blogs....I tried to work myself to death to find the purpose in this new school. I tried to take over and do EVERYTHING without relying on Jesus' strength and because of that, I continued to have a difficult time adjusting during the first nine weeks.
Now, I should say...Luke on the other hand did fabulous. God was looking after him and blessed him with the perfect teacher for his personality. He loved the new school from day one and is excelling! I will be forever grateful for God's direction in Luke's path to that perfect chair in that Kindergarten classroom.
But...now back to me....:(
After attempting to work myself to death, I finally lost it and cried out to Jesus and was reminded again by Him to REST. So...in the past few months, I've worked hard to REST...that sounds crazy, doesn't it...you have to work hard to REST...what?!? Let me explain....
When I get ready to become stressed out about something, instead of playing through all the what ifs and worries in my mind, I STOP, talk to Jesus, turn it over to Him, and then I continue to move forward in the task but I trust Jesus to take care of the pieces. I ask Him to help me piece things together. I ask Him to give me wisdom to work smarter - not harder. I am amazed sometimes at the things that I think of ahead of time that saves me time later. This isn't because I'm some great time manager or super smart person - it's because Jesus is talking to me - all the time - He's doing my job WITH me and He never fails! Did you hear that? Jesus never fails! So...maybe I should switch that...I have been choosing to let Jesus lead as I work with Him and that is what is making the difference.
Since this change in thinking, I have been absolutely amazed at how things have come together at school. I sit down and plan with my administrative team once a week at my school and we have constant discussions and make strategic plans about how to grow pockets of students and staff. We are always thinking about ways to make our school better for the sake of the students. Sometimes these discussions bring up areas that we know we need to work on but we also know we can't fix without time and other people cooperating. So, we do what we can and then we wait....
And....I take it one step further (and I know my school leaders do too)....we pray about each situation. I ask Jesus to go forth through the Holy Spirit and help us in each situation. I ask Jesus to give everyone wisdom in how they communicate with each other and I ask Jesus to help us treat each other and our students like He would treat us - with love and compassion - and I aim to let Jesus' flow through me in every situation..
Well, I'm here to tell you that God has answered our prayers. God is working miracles in our school building. Yesterday, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting with a grade level that has grown tremendously in their team discussions and planning this year. As I sat and watched them work together, my heart filled up with joy and peace....yes, THAT peace that I've been searching for all year.
You see there are so many awesome things going on in our school - so, so many - but when you see a team GROW...when you know where they started at the beginning of the year and now you see where they are....it's just awesome and I am so very proud of each one of them!
And...I am so thankful that God is allowing me to be a part of a school where the staff is always aiming to grow....where the staff has welcomed me...and has pulled me into their family. Yesterday, sitting in that grade level meeting....I felt like part of the family and I was proud to be a part of it! The missing piece of the puzzle that I've been waiting on....IT ARRIVED...I saw it! :)
So...I sit here this morning writing this blog for this reason (sorry, it took me so long to get here)....
I know that sometimes when one door closes in our lives, we don't know where to turn and we wonder what God has planned for us. I also know from this experience that it doesn't matter how "close" you are to God...how much you read your Bible...how much you spend time in prayer....you will still face these types of situations in your life. You will still get shaken. I also know that even if you think you are prepared for the shaking part that you might end up getting more rattled than you thought. I know I did.
But, I also learned this...when you get shaken, when you don't understand, when you can't see your purpose....dig deeper into God's Word and His Spirit...work hard to REST....by that I mean...work on turning EVERY detail over to Jesus....then, do your part (in the natural world) but also pray (and do your part in the spirit world) and before you know it....everything will fall into place. You will begin to feel peace...you will begin to see purpose.
I thank Jesus this morning for placing me at my current school. I thank Jesus for every staff member there that has laughed with me, cried with me, helped me, hugged me, and put up with me. :) It took several months, but I can now SEE my purpose in that building and I have such a PEACE.
I think of the words in this song by Casting Crowns....
"Just Be Held"
Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on
And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go
So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will
And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands
Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go
Friend....when it appears that your world is falling apart....just remember, its really just falling into place. Not a tear is wasted - God is working on His Plan for YOU - join with Him and then REST.
Love,
Toddy
