He's Still Working On Me....

Okay....so, it is 2:30am on Saturday morning.  I'm not completely sure why I'm up - I have an idea, but I'm not certain.  For years I have been awakened in the middle of the night by a "feeling" that is hard to describe.  A "feeling" of needing to get something accomplished but not quite knowing what that is. I usually end up ignoring this "feeling" because I'm tired or think that it's because I'm worried about work or house work or something else.  But...after trying to diligently seek the Lord and read and study the Bible daily, one thing I asked the Lord was to help me "hear" Him easier and to help me follow the Holy Spirit.  I asked the Lord these things after beginning the study of one of the Bible study sessions on the STC Bible College website.  The title of the study session is called "God's Purpose in My Life."  During the last week, God has made it obvious to me that I am NOT fulfilling all of my purpose in my life.  Yes, one of my purposes in life is to teach - children and adults - and, I am doing that.  However, what I have realized in the last week more than I have in my whole life is that my purpose here on Earth is not about ME - it's about others and, right now, I'm not doing so well in that area - of helping others, most importantly, of helping others come to know Jesus.

So...I say all of that to say - I have been praying hard - show me my purpose, show me others that I can help, show me where I can spread the Good News and talk about the Word of God.  Well, the Lord showed me a few places - one place - this blog.  Technology is from God - it has allowed the Word of God (the Bible) to be accessible in places that it would have never been accessible before.  The internet can be of the devil, but God is using it daily for His purposes.  I spend a lot of time on this blog and people actually read it - probably more people than I realize. Well, I know it is more than I realize because, just in the last few days since I have been posting about my walk with the Lord and my prayers for our country, I have received comments.  When I post about my daily life, I hardly ever receive comments. As soon as I bring up the name Jesus, suddenly people out there who I barely know have an opinion - some of which I posted and some of which I did not.  I hope and pray that those people who suddenly have an interest in my blog because of what I believe continue to read it - whether it be to criticize me or to join me - either way, God wants me to use this blog to share my walk with Him.

That's why I'm awake in the middle of the night. Tonight - I woke up with that "feeling" again and this time, I decided to get up and read the Bible.  I opened the Bible and read a few different sections - never feeling quite satisfied that I was in the section that I needed to be in - I did realize this...I have a lot to learn about the Word of God and I will learn it - I just need time.  Finally, after about 10 minutes of reading, I was led to this scripture....

"But my life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus - the work of telling others the Good News about God's wonderful kindness and love." (Acts 20: 24)

After reading this scripture, I realized that I needed to write this blog, right now. I have been making notes for several days about my study of God's Purpose in My Life but I kept putting off writing them on this blog.  I would find other things to do instead of post my thoughts, but, I guess, tonight, God wasn't going to let me sleep until this post was done. I believe with 100% of my heart that someone out there needs to read what I am writing TONIGHT AT THIS MOMENT! I don't know who you are - I may never know. But, I know that the Holy Spirit is guiding me to share some thoughts tonight and other thoughts as I learn more.

Gang, there are so many things going through my mind right now that I could write about. I know that some people will have questions after reading this blog that they wish I would have addressed - "Does she really hear God talking to her?"  "Has she lost her mind?" "How does she KNOW she's hearing from the Lord?"  Fully answering these questions could take hours and, quite frankly, those answers do not matter right now - those answers will come eventually. All I can say is - trust me and continue to return to my blog.

For now, let me accomplish what the Lord woke me up to accomplish....at the beginning of this blog, I said that as I prayed that the Lord would show me my purpose in life and two main things came to the forefront- one was to use this blog as a way to share Jesus, the other thing was something very personal - so personal, that I have debated for days about when and how much to post publicly. But, considering that here I am typing in the middle of the night, it appears that now is the time.  I guess the reason why this next piece is so personal is because it requires me to humble myself and admit that I have done wrong.

In the past few days, God has shown me a time in my life where He needed me and I wasn't there for Him - that time in my life - COLLEGE.  He has shown me specific people that needed Jesus then and need Him now and, instead of me representing Jesus well and sharing Him with them, I chose to do worldly things - things that led me nowhere and caused me to miss my purpose. These dear friends of mine that needed Jesus have been on my mind ever since I realized the devastation of how I failed them.  I have prayed and asked the Lord to prepare my heart for the words to say to them one day. I have asked Him to prepare the way and to prepare their hearts for a time in the future that we will meet and I can share Jesus with them.  Thanks to grace and the mercy of God, my time to share Jesus with them will come again - I know that with all of my heart. These are people that I spent hours and hours and hours with for 4 years of my life and have continued to spend time with in the last 10 years - I love them and I want them to have eternal life by establishing a relationship with Jesus.

I thank God for sending Jesus to die on the cross for my sins because that is the only reason I can live with myself after realizing I missed a piece of my purpose years ago. At first, I felt horrible about my mistakes and the way of life that I lived during those years, but, then God showed me that because of Jesus and what He did for me, I don't have to focus on my mistakes but instead, do everything I can to get back on track.

Well, gang, I'm trying to get back on track - it's going to take time - lots of time and I continue to pray for diligence and energy and desire to pursue the Lord.

To my college friends (if you are reading this and I have a "feeling" that you are), I love you dearly and I am so sorry that I didn't share Jesus with you years ago. Jesus loves you and I can't wait to show you how much one day soon. Please remember-I'm always willing to talk - you have my number or you can email me at bumgarnernatasha@gmail.com. Our time to talk WILL COME....:)

Whew-I feel better getting all of that off of my chest.  There's more that I could post but I'm going to save the rest for later.  I am beginning to feel at peace so, just maybe, the Lord will let me go back to bed.

Before I go, I want you to read the notes that I had originally planned on posting days ago, because, like I said, someone out there needs them.  Here they are....this is how my first "He's Still Working On Me...."post looked like...

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(this draft was originally written on July 2nd)


I spend a lot of time blogging about Luke but not enough time blogging about Jesus.  I have decided to record some of my thoughts as I read and study the Bible.  I'm calling this portion of my blog - "He's Still Working On Me...." That is SO TRUE! The Lord has a lot to do with me - I'm in bad shape when it comes to having the Word of God inside of me.  So....for anyone's sake who wants to read...and, most of all, to hold me accountable. I will post Bible verses and what I have learned from my daily Bible studies and readings on this blog.

I decided to start a new Bible study using the STC Bible College website.  The title of this Bible Study is "God's Purpose in My Life."  The 3 scriptures that the study focused on were the following:

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you future and hope."

Proverbs 29:18 - "When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild.  But whoever obeys the law his happy."

***After reading this verse, my thoughts immediately went to our country.  This verse says to me - when people ignore God, crime and sin increase.  Public morality depends on the knowledge of God. In order for nations and individuals to function well, people must know God's ways and keep his rules.

Our nation is ignoring God. Our leaders do not know or attempt to know the Bible.  Readers - we must continue to pray that the people we elect will fall to their knees and come to know Jesus.  All things are possible through Jesus.  There is hope.  I pray with all of my heart that Christian leaders will rise up and do their part in correcting our government.  In the meantime, I will do my part by researching and voting for Christian leaders and I will pray, pray, and pray that more and more people in our nation come to know Jesus.

Ephesians 1:11 - "Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as he decided long ago."

The rest of these thoughts or words of wisdom (from Mrs. Withers, the bible study teacher) came as I was listening to the Bible study - the thoughts come fast and scattered so please bear with me with the lack of organization...

**Purpose is the end that give the meaning to the beginning.

**Life without purpose is just an experiment.  When we focus on a purpose, we are more DELIBERATE - we know our role and we know we are here to make a difference.

**Life's greatest tragedy is not dying, but instead, dying without fulfilling our purpose.

**How do we find our purpose?  Seek the one who gave us the purpose - GOD! Then, choose God's way.

**Do all you know to do, with whatever you have, wherever you are.

My Prayer:  Lord, give me time to fulfill my purpose. My heart hurts for the loved ones and friends that I didn't lead to Jesus through my example.

**Living God's way and His purpose is a day by day, moment by moment CHOICE. (Lord, help me with this.)

**The Bible is full of God's wishes.

**Good is not always right (and is not always God's will).

**My reality is in Jesus and the Word of God (the Bible and the incorruptible seed).

2 Chronicles 16:9 - "The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to them."

Lord, let me be this person.

**God needs us in this Earth for someone else - if we don't obey God, we are not just hurting God, we are hurting others who needed us.

**When we get a desire to accomplish something, we set goals, when you have goals, you become disciplined to meet those goals.

My personal goal: get others (especially my friends and loved ones) saved and in a relationship with Jesus. To do this, I have to be disciplined to get the Word inside of me so I can share the Word of Jesus with others. God won't force me, I have to commit!

**There is someone who needs me. God's purpose is to ask - "Who can I help now?" "Why am I here?" "What do I do next?"

**We are fighting an enemy that wants us to cut ourselves short.

**God rewards those who seek Him diligently.

**God said - when we seek Him with all of our heart, we will find Him.

**God sent me to Earth because others need me.

**We don't know each detail of our purpose in life. He only shows us what He wants to show us in His timing because He wants us to trust Him.

**Timing in the Lord is just as important as the will of the Lord.

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Well, gang, that's it - That is what I was suppose to share tonight. I have fulfilled my purpose for now and can rest.  Don't worry - I still have a lot of work to do.

I will leave you with this scripture...

Isaiah 50:4 - "The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know what to say to all these weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will."

My prayer tonight - Lord, awaken me in the morning with more enlightenment into your purpose and show me who needs me....

Toddy