Grace. Thanksgiving. Joy.

This morning, let me be totally transparent. From the outside, it may seem that my life runs smooth - that everyday is a good day and that troubles are limited.  And, yes, I am blessed beyond measure BUT my days do not come without troubles - matter of fact, for months, my days came with a very frustrating trouble that I rarely talk about  - the struggle of suffocating fear.  Today, I want to talk to anyone who wants to listen about my struggle with fear and anxiety and what the Lord has shown me.

In the past few months, I have heard sobering prophesy from my preacher as well as a missionary that visited our church that we are living in the end times. Yes, people have been saying that for years but these messengers from God showed me proof from the Word of God that the time was near - do they know the exact hour or minute of Jesus return? Absolutely not! But...can we begin to notice the season of his return?  Yes....and the season is upon us....

Anyway, because I haven't lived my life clean and pure like I should have, as soon as I realized that my time on this Earth could be shortened and as soon as I realized that persecution was soon to come - I became afraid - totally consumed by FEAR.  It was awful - for days, I would all of a sudden get a feeling of suffocation - almost to the point of not being able to continue with my day.  While I played with Luke, I would think about the terrible things that I thought were going to happen to him.  When I ate, I worried about the days that food would not be available.  Sounds crazy, huh?  But, for me, it was real - a real, suffocating fear!

Then, one day at church, Pete taught about how all things are possible through God and he reminded us that mental healing/restoring is possible not just physical healing/restoring.  That day, I realized - I needed to be touched by the healing power of Jesus - I needed my mind restored.  When the time came, I had Pete pray for me and, all of sudden, I was released from the suffocation. It was absolutely amazing how much joy I was able to receive.  My mind was clear and my heart desired to draw even nearer to Jesus - the one who rescued me that day and the One who will rescue me everyday!

Since that day, I have come so far with my walk with Jesus (and still have so far to go). However, God has shown me His love in so many different ways - ways that are impossible to describe on a blog - the joy that has filled my soul through the Holy Spirit and the Word of God can't be put into words.

But...I write this blog anyway because I feel that there may be others in my circle of influence who suffer from fear, doubt, and anxiety and like me, at times, feel like you might suffocate. Because of this, I thought I would share some thoughts.

So, how do I continue to overcome my fear and doubt each day?  This is how....every morning when I wake up (which is usually around 4:30 or 5:00 when the house is totally silent and no one is awake), I immediately talk to God and THANK Him for the day to come.  There are still mornings when I'm tired or when I begin to feel hopeless again - on these mornings, I, again, begin talking to God about my feelings.  And...then, I open up the Word of God and begin reading - I read different books and different chapters each day - I let the Lord lead me where He wants me to go.  In between reading, I pray and pray some more.  Before I know it, I am FULL - full of joy, full of thankfulness, and full of the Holy Spirit.  God amazes me every morning with His ability to fill my heart with what I need to, not just make it through the day, but make it through the day with joy, hope, peace, and a purpose - the purpose of showing others how to reach Jesus.

Did you know that is why we were put here on Earth?  That's right - to bring others to Jesus. The Lord brought to my attention that if I walk around in fear and doubt and worry then I am not bringing others to the cross but instead I am leading them to things that are opposite of God. Faith is God. Fear is the enemy.  And, daily, I pray that my enemy be scattered and he is.

A few weeks ago, I shared some of my fears and mental struggles with a friend - a childhood friend who has become a sister in Christ - my sweet Lindsey is a rock to me and I appreciate her beyond words - each time that I would share with her doubts or worries that I had, she responded with the Word of God and it was always the words that I needed to hear. Then, for Christmas, she dropped on my doorstep a book called "1000 Gifts - A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are" by Ann Voskamp.  It is written by an author that writes daily devotional blogs that I love.  As soon as I began reading the book, I knew that the Lord had placed this book (through a friend) on my doorstep to open my eyes once again to the fact that I should have no fear.

I wish I could explain the peace that this book portrays but I cannot do Ann's words justice  - she writes beautifully - it is evident that her writing is divinely inspired.  I'm not quite finished with the book but so far, I have received such a peace from her main point in the book  - it is this....the key to truly living fully here on Earth (no matter what this life brings) is Grace, Thanksgiving, and Joy.  She reminds us that because we have grace (favor of God through salvation), we should give thanks, and by giving thanks, we will be filled with joy. You see - God has everything that He needs - everything on Earth is his - all He wants is for us to tell Him thank you with a genuine heart.

Do you know what Jesus did when he knew he only had about 12 hours left to live here on this Earth? He broke bread and gave thanks.  That's a huge lesson for me.  Even if I know I only have a short time on this Earth, I should give thanks for my salvation and the hope that I have after I leave this dirty world - I have God's Kingdom waiting on me and what a joy it will be! And, that my friend, will rid you of all fear.

So....my point here this morning is this....when you begin to feel fear creeping in your mind, stop for a moment and give thanks and praise to the Lord for your salvation and for any other blessing that comes to your mind - thank Him for the sunshine, thank Him for the rain, thank Him for the way he has protected you, thank Him for your child, thank Him for your health, thank Him for your parents - just take the time to thank our awesome God - He loves us and wants nothing more from us than true thanks from the hearts of his sons and daughters.

We live in a world today where people aren't satisfied - they are always wanting more than what they have - they want what others have - and, then, even when they get what they thought they wanted, they are still not satisfied or happy.  Gang, I don't want to be like that - yes, I am thankful for the material things that I have - I am thankful for my house, car, and clothes but I am most thankful for the opportunity to serve a God who will one day give me a piece of His heavenly world - what an exciting day that will be!

So....for everyone out there reading this, please know that someone needed this message today (or it wouldn't have been laid on my heart to write it)....if you struggle with fear, doubt, and anxiety, begin drawing near to the Lord - talk to God with a naked heart about your struggles and then open the Word of God and see where it takes you. It WILL fill you up so much so that your cup will overflow with joy.  And, always remember, I'm an email away or for some of you, a phone call away. I will read with you, pray with you, talk with you - whatever you need.  I have a tremendous desire to see hearts turn to Jesus. Hearts turned toward Jesus are thankful and filled with joy!

Thank you for reading - have an awesome Saturday!

I leave you with this - "Every bird of the mountains and all the animals of the field belong to me.  If I were hungry, I would not mention it to you, for all the world is mine and everything in it.  I don't need the bulls you sacrifice; I don't need the blood of goats.  What I want instead is your true thanks to God; I want you to fulfill your vows to the Most High. Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory." (Psalm 50:11-15)

And...I totally recommend reading the book by Ann Voskamp that I listed in the blog - it brings such a peace!

Toddy
(bumgarnernatasha@gmail.com)